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Today's post is inspired by the following quote...
~ Elisabeth Elliot
Below are some of the fragments of my life that hide out in my mind that some day I hope come together as they were meant to go.
1.... I have a younger sister, a dear young lady that was once the center of my universe. I practically raised her, until the day I left home for college. Unbeknownst to me, at that time she felt as if I had abandoned her. Some day I hope to draw her back, but even as adults a rift spans between us.
2.... I love my husband, yet every year I discover things I am not sure I ever knew, and I wonder do I know this man I married? I think I do, and I hope we can always bring the new information together and remain rock solid.
3.... I remember nice times with my mother, but I find the negative memories are so much stronger usually. Will I ever be able to let go of the painful times?
4.... Daddy found his solace in the bottom of a bottle of liquor all of my childhood, and yet I loved him no matter what. Now that he is sober (15 months on 6/1/08) I don't know the man, will I ever know my daddy again?
5.... My oldest son is so much like his father, internalizes everything...yet he has a bit of my sensitive side, and I worry that he is going to suffer anxiety.
6.... The day he was born at 29.5 weeks gestation I never thought I could raise a preemie child. Now he is 14 and has to be the strongest boy I know. Strong of heart and soul, and yet he is so easily drawn into things, I worry his heart will break far too easy some day.
7.... Can I really be a mother to a teenage girl? She isn't a teen yet, and she still loves me, but I hear tell that will change. I want to have a good relationship with my daughter, much better than my relationship with my mother.
8.... Am I true to myself? Do I give myself a fair shake in life? Why am I always my own worst critic and enemy?
9.... I've done some stupid things in my life, said stupid things...I regret those, but once done and spoken I can't take them back.
10.... My mom told me she doesn't think I remember how to smile, and I wonder if she is right.
11.... I have no patience for my in-laws.
12.... I wish I could back in time and hold onto walks in the woods with daddy.
13.... I feel like the proverbial jigsaw puzzle with the missing piece.
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If it's any consolation--my daughter and I had a very rough time in her teens, but now that she's in her 20s, we get along great.
I hope it's the same for you. Well, maybe minus a few of the dramatic scenes. :)
Hi, there! I can competely identify with you on your #3 - but for me, I actually try to block out those happy memories because it's much more realistic to prepare myself, in the case of my mother, for her dark and wretched times rather than the light and easy times that so seldom come. Sad, I'm sure, but at 65, I don't think she's going to change and for myself, I can't allow myself to be drawn into her web because of what it does to my mind.
Anywho, very insightful TT - I enjoyed reading.
Come visit me - I'm up!
What a great way to make up a TT list and allow us your readers to get to know you better through these fragments of your life. I too really enjoyed this one.
(((hugs)))
I feel much the same way as you do about a lot of people in my life, including myself.
I completely identify with the stuff about your mom. My mother was a very messed up person but after she died this winter, I feel like I am closer to freedom and healing.
For me, too, healing has come from truly loving myself - I, too, am like you and very hard on myself. But I am learning that's okay to let this go and it's amazing the changes.
Thanks for sharing such personal insights! And for stopping by my TT!
Well that was quite a list, you and your daughter will be fine I am sure. All the pieces of the puzzle fit together we just do not always like the big picture it creates.....
Great list! I can relate to a few of those. I had to raise my teenage sis, I know how hard teens can be, luckily it has helped better prepare me for my own kids when they are that age. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Having a daughter that is 14, at the beginning of the school year we had a rough start, and have hit a few speed bumps. All in all it's been a wonderful experience. I know you and your daughter will be just fine.
I really enjoyed reading your TT. That's wonderful your father has been sober. There are times I've felt one or more of the same things.
I hope that everything falls into place! You should ask your Daddy to go for a walk in the woods! He may seem different, but he's still your daddy, and he loves you. I'll bet he would love to go walking with you. :)
i could really relate to so much that you've said. #1 for one example, my sister and I need to work out our problems.
I hear how much you worry for things you can't control and I know I do that too, it must just be a Mom thing. :))
Peace & hugs to you
Thanks for dropping by my TT!!
My daughter is a teenager and she still likes me. There is hope.
Thanks for visiting me. I'm right there with you on #2 and agree with Darla about your daughter. There were a couple rough years but my daughter is 28 now and I count her as one of my best friends. Better yet, she counts me as one of hers.
My oldest is 14, the next two are 12 and 10...I'm a little nervous about the whole teenaged thing...but we'll get through somehow.
I also have some happy memories of my mom, but the negative always outweighs the positive.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
I think that you have to just let life fall into place and don't think to much about the past or worry too much about the future. Think about the things that truly make you happy and you will find yourself smiling more.
Maribeth
:):):)
I think I could definitely come up a similar list! What would we do without these kind of memories? I would like to think they make us stronger and more able to deal with life!
It's an interesting statistic I remember hearing when I was a very young kid... people spend more than 75% of their lives miserable... that is to say, "not happy". I vowed NOT to fall into that bracket then... I try hard not to now but it's a tricky thing to do.
A very interesting and thought provoking TT...
...and remember, your computer does have a "defragment" option.
I can relate to a few of these things 8,9,13 - I am a mother of a 14yr old too - though by adoption.
I hope your fragments get defragged one day.
thanks for visiting me
My Little Drummer boys
(((HUGS)))
Those are thirteen pretty heavy things to have on your mind.
I noticed that most of those thirteen revolved around relationships. I think that is fantastic.
You are not alone. We all have our crosses to bear, our secrets to keep....but it takes courage to recognize them and set them free...
All will be the way it's supposed to be.
Peace
Wow, wonderful TT. As hard as it may be to have these things in your life, the fact that you recognize them makes you more ahead of the game than most. Here's sending you some {{{hugs}}}.
Thanks for visiting my TT!
I was horrible to my mother as a teen, I'll be the first to admit it, but after a rough couple of years we were able to heal and are now the best of friends.
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